Get Your Freak On: A Beginners Guide To Fetish
Hello there! This weeks blog topic is a beginners guide to fetish. Most of us have them, are curious to explore them, or find people who have them intriguing. The word fetish often makes people think about someone being humiliated, or being bossed around in a dark dungeon, but that style of fetish is only a tiny part of the spectrum. Although a fetish is defined as something that someone is obsessed with sexually and unable to get aroused without, it is colloquially used as a term for something we just enjoy sexually, without obsession. Fetishes can be for clothing items, such as high heels, or cotton panties. They an also be for a body part, like fake breasts, or feet. Other fetishes are for actions such as being spanked or tickled. Other times, assuming a position of control (domination), or losing that control (submission) can be what is arousing. Most times fetishes may incorporate all of the previous criteria. Some people play with their fetishes every once in awhile, and some play every time they have sex. Some people play in their sexual roles 24/7, often known as a TPE relationship (Total Power Exchange).
The most important thing about fetish is IT IS NORMAL!! I have done phone sex for several years, assuming different personalities, one of a dominant woman (Dominatrix, or Domme) and one of a submissive/slave personality. I have heard the extreme, the not so extreme, and the downright tame. When there is so much anonymity, people really feel free to be honest and I find that refreshing and amazing. I love that I get to explore a side of sexuality that so few people see. I get asked all the time, “Is something wrong with me? Is this weird? Am I a freak?” and the answer is NO! As long as you get consent from the other party, are not harming anyone (non-consensually, as pain is a common fetish), and are enjoying yourself, you are not weird or sick or messed up in any way. Stop beating yourself up about what you enjoy sexually. No matter how much you try to change what you desire, what turns you on is what turns you on! Embrace it! Accepting what your kinks are can be a gateway into acceptance of self as a whole.
A good way to explore the fetish world is to open an account on FetLife. This website operates much like Facebook, but is geared towards those who enjoy fetishes. It’s a great way to explore what is out there. For those local in Fort Lauderdale, there is a place called Fetish Factory that throws fetish parties and sells fetish gear. Florida is also lucky to host FetishCon, a 4 day fetish bonanza with parties, classes, and workshops. I have been there a few times and had an awesome time every time I went.
So what are some of the most popular kinks? A lot of men desire anal play, whether it is a prostate massage, strap-on sex, anal plugs or other. I think this is because it is such a taboo in this society that men feel ashamed to stimulate their own g-spot and feel embarrassed to ask a partner they care about for it. Another fetish that is common is called edging, which means masturbating or being stimulated to the “edge” of orgasm and then being stimulated to keep arousal at the very tip of orgasm without going over. Many women like to be spanked or have light pain such as play-biting, hair pulling, or choking. But be careful – never press down on your partners neck! It can be just as arousing and safer to press upward, under the chin without putting pressure on the neck. Please research risky activities before engaging in them. A lot of people like being bound or blindfolded as well as it helps them feel “out of control” and builds a degree of trust with the partner. Watersports (pee) is also very popular, whether it is watching someone go, going on someone, or having someone go on you. This one is popular as well because of the taboo around it. Other popular fetishes are SPH (small penis humiliation – making fun of someones small penis), Cuckolding/Hotwifery (the fantasy of a woman “Hotwife” cheating on her husband, often with men who are better at sex than him, and often includes a humiliation aspect, but sometimes the husband just enjoys watching his wife with others) Foot fetish, (enjoying looking at, sucking on, sniffing and worshiping feet, can also extend to fetishes for socks, sweaty shoes, stockings, etc.) and others. The world of fetish is extremely wide and can become very specific or broad depending on the person.
If you are wanting to explore fetishes, you need to open the conversation with your partner. You may try watching porn together, or have a conversation about the topic of fetish, straight up tell them what you like, or try a fetish party together. There is no right or wrong way to start the conversation. You have to be willing to accept that your partner may not find your kink arousing, or is unwilling to entertain it. If they are a supportive and true partner, they will understand that it was probably difficult to tell them about your fetish, and will respect your honesty, even if it’s not for them. Many people think that our partners will “freak out” if we tell them what we like sexually, but in most cases they are happy to know a new side of you. Nobody wants to feel like their partner has to keep something secret from them, and it makes us all feel good to be trusted with sensitive information. Don’t be scared! The rewards are worth the risks.
In the upcoming weeks I will be discussing some of these fetishes in detail, as well as different aspects of the fetish world, where fetishes come from, and some of my own fetish stories. Remember to play smart, be safe, do research, and have fun!
Til Next Week,
“Mistress” Lindsey Love